It is in the nature of things that parents give and children take. Parents first give their children what is most precious, namely life. They give it as they themselves once received it. In addition, they usually give a lot more: They give the children food, clothing, a home, schooling and training and often even love and security that can be felt directly. Parents usually do not give everything that a child would like or think it needs. A child often suffers real deficiencies. However, in view of their own entanglement in a destiny, parents give the maximum. For most children, what they have received is sufficient and they later take charge of their own lives and pass it on to their children. The flow of love between parents and child only goes in one direction: it flows from the parents to the children. A life long. Only sometimes in old age do the children give their parents back a little of what they once received by taking over the care. But that is usually not enough for a complete compensation, which is also not necessary.
If the flow of love from parent to child is interrupted, this is a disorder that also has a lasting effect on the person's later ability to relate. If a child has not taken what the parents had to give (because it wanted more or something else), and as a result remains unreconciled with its life and fate, as an adult it tries in retrospect to make up for the lack experienced in childhood remedy. It subconsciously assigns this task to its partner. Inappropriately high expectations of the couple's relationship are now becoming a problem because the partner cannot fill the hole that was created in childhood. He is simply overwhelmed, especially because a needy "inner child" makes demands and "wants" something from the other person. An extreme need for security and tenderness easily makes the partner a mother and suffocates the love between man and woman. If a couple keeps circling around the hope of satisfying the unfulfilled longings of childhood in the other, the couple relationship is heavily burdened and there is not much room for joie de vivre. Both are still attached to their respective families of origin in an uncomfortable way and cannot really see and engage with each other in the present. In my next post I will explain to you how to dissolve such unhealthy dynamics.
Do such dynamics sound familiar to you?